India, India

The call left me stunned for a while. The times that i spent with him were few but more memorable than much of the rest of my life. He might never have been able to talk as well as others but the way he held himself thought me that heart is very important in whatever you do. Sincerity and heart is a language that one does not need to have to use his senses to understand. There was not a soul that couldn't feel it. Everyone respected him, when he spoke people listened, however gruff and incomprehensible his speech may be. He is the one I respect more than any other I have ever met. Having spent much of his life in his own world, some of his views on things are very interesting. No one thought him what magnets were, he only studied till the equivalent of pri3. but he used to play with things like that and spent one whole day explaining to me animatedly how it worked.

Anyway, the reality was that as a result of spending so much time alone and in his own thoughts, parts of his brain started to atrophy and slowly become useless. it happened in cycles, one day he was fine and the next he was a madman. barely recognising his house family and even his own body.

His last ailment, which i too am not too sure of, was the last in a long list. I guess the battery of mind and soul took its toll on him.

my superior though, found it quite offensive when i told him that i needed to leave the country tonight. i was supposed to tell him in advance. what the ****.

he chose to take issue with some issues about how much leave i needed to take. it seems to go off at 3 in the afternoon, you needed to apply the whole day off. bull****.

anyway, i was asking for a change of routine and i had been given it, whether i liked the context or not. i was really half half as i started my journey.

as soon as i got off the plane, i could feel the difference. the immigration officers who used to give trouble in attempts to get a few thousand rupees in bribes were suddenly all smiley and courteous. somehting was wrong, this was not india.

as i took the cab out of rhe airport however, things became rather more clear. Driving past the hundreds of billboards on the long journey (~40km)to the city it was clear that safety and customer satisfaction were the key words. intersting.

before that however, i was greeted my an uncle whom i had not met in 6 years. i approached him with a smile and shaked hands, but his reaction was a lot colder than what i was ready for. this was the point at which things got put into context. i wasnt here for a joyride.

we needed to get to tanuku asap.

and i almost forgot..

that i had a blog here.

after i had left a place i shall only refer to as point A, i was rather lost. was feeling rather bullish about the prospects of going to place B and enjoying, or even being normal over there.

my suspicions were proved to be true as my entrance into place B was immediately followed my various outfields, one of which happened to fall on a Saturday and i did not even get off in lieu.

4 outfields and 2 shell scripts and 1 burnt Saturday in 3 weeks, numbers do speak louder than words. i hated what was happening to me and i hated to speak to anybody. just kept to myself, being lonely had more or less become second nature to me.

slowly they saw that i wasn't as much of a problem as they though i would be, things started changing.

now i am a lot more content with life and am hoping that it would stay this way. life is not glorious, have to fight boredom and be wary of siamming the occasional arrow and other forms of trouble, but its not entirely that horrible either, because i have seen worse. if life goes on like this i think there is little i can truly be unhappy about.

now moving on to other things, im trying to get my bunk to meet up on the coming saturday. and the going on night cylcing with jc buds on jun 12 (tentatively) and then ill be flying off to india on the 18th till the 27. by the time the ride stops its july, no longer june, or may too, for that matter, and i will eb just alittle closer to the big O. haizz.

just waiting for time to pass, how futile an existance.

slowly but surely i realise, i was me but now im gone.

R

the man in the mirror...

well my weekend started off by watching green zone. an awesome movie. I think army guys might be able to appreciate it a wee bit better. its an army show you see. totally held me in suspense all the way. this is the reason we go to the movies. that's a high enough accolade i guess. conclusion: ppl, WATCH THIS.

moving on. i think that the way jack neo handled his affair is absolutely ridiculous. i know that its easy to it here and talk, but let me give my take on this.

The time span from the time when the news came out and his press conference is LESS than one week. pathetic PR. ppl are still finding out about this and have lot of things to say. not the time to make yourself look ridiculous.

He hit on many women, but never really did anything much with anyone. he is a pathetic playboy. i would never publicise myself on this. LOL.

but most importantly, he I think he is an insult to all men the way he pushed his wife into this. there was no need for the wife to come out and give a statement. from what I see it is evident that the woman has put a lot of effort into making the whole relationship work, giving him a free role to develop his work in whatever way he wants. he is more than indebted to her, not only now, but for many lifetimes to come. but at this point of time, without considering her feelings at all, he made her come out and make a statement so that the furore over his infidelities will die out ASAP. if my convictions are correct this is extraordinarily selfish. where is the bloody gentleman? expecting forgiveness or anything along those lines to help him save face in itself is a heinous crime. use your brain fucktard.

and please spare us the tears. i saw a video of the press conference where the wife collapsed. but honestly, both were crying and for a long time i couldn't figure which one was the woman. (not implying that women are given a free license to shed tears as they like it but if god made you a man the least you could do is not cry in public?)

moving on.

heard from who went travelling around europe it seems in Portugal, girls were just crying and kissing photos of Cristiano ronaldo. like WTF?

but in fairness he has a hell of a fashion sense and can carry off anything. he also has a crazy body to aid him though. i consider him one of my style icons. not because he wears clothes that are off the shelf from some designer label but he truly does mix and match some crazy stuff. somewhat like johnny depp too. aloof. but cool.




thats all for this week i guess.

Raghuram.

havent written here a few weekends

im alove online only 48 hours, or less every week. not fun but then again, thats my life.

the past few weekends, i have been expected to do many things army related over my supposed free time. this is very irritating, especially when they fault you for your efforts being not a 100% and such when you get back. What do they think i am, a regular, to try and put my 100% all the time?

and now the reward for being not as proactive as a perfect man would be, couple of weekends from today, i will have to spend in camp. how disheartening. they are experts in giving punishments that are akin to putting a dagger in you, and as you look back at them with a look of resentment, twist it in further. in other words, they really are ruthless.

also, my mood is not helped by the fact that the punishment meted out to me was more to do with WHO i am rather than what i have DONE. i feel like they just wanted to give me a good whopping so that i will not trod anywhere near the line again, forget about crossing it. my reputation in this place supersedes everything. i haven't told anyone of my regular friends about this, but its more to do than just me being an outspoken with an eccentric sense of humour. how am i to deal with such stuff. when people genuinely are not interested in giving me a chance. i move on closer to ORD, not because i am doing something to deal with it, but because father time never stops his relentless march.

on other matters, had a slightly more interesting weekend than previous ones, watching this hindi movie called karthik calling karthik, genuinely a thriller, has you to the end of your seat towards the end. its a serious movie i guess, totally my type. it needs you to use a bit of brain, or rather there is room for you to wonder about what might be happening. more interesting. genuinely feel that hindi shows are more and more often packing more entertainment value than English ones. oh and yea did i mention, the girl in the film is so OOMPH that watching her alone would make a good movie in itself! lol..

here is a song from the movie, feel free to take a listen, totally makes me feel high. and its not metal so its ok. and there are a few pics of her too! heh



i want to type some more but my mind is probably distracted by the fact that i have to leave house so as to get to camp on time. i have a one day MC till today, still not feeling well, but scared to go to the doctor again cos the bitches won really like it. hellhounds the whole lot of em. AARGH.

as such, i will have to leave it at this. goodbye fellas, learn lifes lessons, learn em well, cos it doesnt have time to teach you over and over again, neither do you have time to listen over and over.. good luck with stuff.

Raghuram

week in review.

good times. bad times. change is contstant. good times have passed.

skies are dark. not like i didnt see em coming. but they are not really ahead of me anymore. right above me. looking to the heavens. waiting for the first drops.

you play your games. i am going to play mine. not like i am very bothered. cos in the end i win and you lose.

where there are lemons. you make lemonade. life is like that.

you think you read me like a book. but what you dont know is that the pages you are reading, are the ones that you want me to read.

contentment is for the dead.

dont you have some message for him parker? this is a product of your profession not mine.

trapped.

if i had arms, i would kill myself

if i had legs i would run away

if i could talk i would shout for help.

someone help.

dont bother trying to make sense of it. i dont think anyone can. only me. welcome to my life.

cheers. or rather, the lack of it.

a (dark) new dawn.

the morose title refers to my army life. although everything else is fine right now.

today, i had to wake up early although i played fifa10 till late last night. this was because we had a hige gathering at my house. there were lot of indian dudes coming to my house and i had to help my mother with stuff.

i went shopping with her, helped her carry all the stuff. felt like a son. =)

but i did little else though. i left the cooking to her. hah

then the people started pouring in, albeit late. when some one started saying that indians are always late, i guess they were not lying.

there was this family who came in. never seen them before. but they had a 21 year old daughter. that set my alarms ringing. LOL.

she was bengali. never met one before. i became her knight in shining armour and saved her from the midst of 5 adults talking about some boring shit. then she came over and didn talk much. she just played guitar hero. and then she left, didnt even tell me her name. crap. shouldnt have bothered saving her at all. lol.

after that the parents were going crazy with their boring talk. i was going more crazy. then after a while, my good friend swetha came. i connect with her on many levels. wrong. i just make fun of her all the time. and the word she uses most when referring to me is 'moron'. lol. she turned up had lunch, and said she needed to go to her house to get a sari, cos she had to wear it to a party. had to follow her to help. what a folly.

we went to her room and i helped her wrap her presents. and spent the rest of the time watching her straighten her hair. its a torturous process, the iron is hot, and the thing is heavy. arm pain. why does it have to be straight anyway, arent large curls nice?

in the end she was done. we drove back. or rather she drove back, and i sat in the passenger seat. the security guard at my house stared at me as if i was nuts as we drove past him. i guess i had quite a sheepish look on my face as i was driven by a girl a head shorter than me. hah. i should exorcise the chauvinist in me someday.

she is a crazy person though. speed anyhow. faster than my father at least. haha. fun.

after that i went ot bedok reservoir to run and lo. here i am. all ready to go to camp at 0645 tmrw. what a life. god save me.

Raghuram